I always do an annual review of the year and New Year's is basically becoming a type of Christmas for me. I love starting fresh, re-establishing boundaries and making new goals. I spent all day mapping out next year and setting up check-ins. Some people might say it's too structured, but for me, it keeps me on track and having ideas and concepts and projects that I want to do written out is inspiring! I don't forget things that way. And next year is going to be a big year.
2014
There were some challenges....
I had an unexpected and rushed move and with the way the timing on my new place worked out, I basically had to move all my items twice. That process took up most of summer. But it was a good learning process and I love love love my new place. I love it so much. It's really the first long term apartment where I haven't had roommates. It's teeny tiny in this great area right next to my favorite restaurants and shops and close to work. I loooove it.
It was honestly a very challenging year with my job. We acquired two companies and both happened to be in the regions that I am responsible for with marketing. A lot of work and lessons learned and really looking forward to 2015.
I had a couple (what I truly hope will be the last) burning parties when I found remnants of an old life (that somehow missed the last burning parties over the past 4 years) and had to get rid of them. I can't throw them away. That's not good enough. It's not final enough. It has to be destroyed. There has to be a finality to it, a sense of closure. I look at trash that's thrown away and if you follow the path of of that tossed item, it's still got a lot of life before it ends up in a land fill. That won't work for these remnants. I need to know they are destroyed and it needs to be at my own hand. But this year, the burnings were different. One took over 4 hours. I did it on a BBQ by myself with headphones on, peaceful, happy music blasting. And with almost each item I burned, I said a prayer. I spoke nice, positive wishes out into the world toward my ex and his soon to be new wife, and I genuinely put it behind me. It was easily one of the most 'spiritual' experiences of my life, though that is a very broad term. It was after this zen, non hate centered experience that I was so proud of, that I unexpectedly came across ADDITIONAL REMNANTS at my new apartment one day. I panicked. NOTHING of the old had made it into my new, wonderful, lovely safe, all-my-very-own space. The other items I found in storage during the move. Now, here I was minding my own business one night and stumbled upon these photos. It was like finding a huge spider and being home alone. I had no lighter or matches. What was I to do? I decided not to risk the toilet flush. I called my downstairs neighbor, who is a friend of mine and said I needed a lighter, no questions asked. A few minutes later, he was standing at my door and asked why I needed it. "Oh, just, you know. Stuff." So I decided to burn them in the kitchen sink. It worked. My pulse stopped racing as soon as I saw the flames consume the photos and I felt all had been made right in my little world. Until the smoke alarm went off. Twice. And then texts from my neighbor, who could hear from downstairs. And then I saw my sink was charred. The new sink in my brand new apartment was charred from when I let the photos and flames in the sink to go fan the smoke alarm. So I spent days scrubbing and it's finally ok. So so much for the zen experience.
I don't know if I can categorize wedding planning as a challenge, but it definitely has not been easy and it's something I'm looking forward to wrapping up in 2015.
There were some health issues that carried over from 2013, when I had just started investigating. For someone who hates doctors, having a regular MD, 2 naturopaths, a D.O., a physical therapist, an allergist, an acupuncturist, a hormone specialist and an endocrinologist in 2014 made me feel like a raging hypochondriac. Oh, plus my regular therapist. Ha. So that hasn't been fun, but I am starting to finally see a light at the end of the tunnel. It really changed when I went to see a specialist in CA in October so it's recently better, but I think we are on the right track.
I took a class called Smart Success in 2014 that is on the celebration list HOWEVER, I started that class with a goal of writing one thing, and what's come out of it is something else entirely. That has been challenging. I don't want to publish what's come out of it, but I am getting more and more convinced that I need to and it's what the world needs.
There were some celebrations...
Travel
I think the obvious gem in this year is the travel. I finally saw my beloved Eiffel Tower and toured Paris and it was just as magical as I had always hoped. It was looped in with a whirlwind tour of London and the French-Swiss Alps as well. I should write about that more in 2015. I had planned to blog on it last year but did not make the time. Going on the to-do list for '15...
This photo was taken right after I saw it for the first time.
I took this photo to capture the magic.
I took this photo from the top of the Eiffel Tower. This is a shot of The Trocadero, which is where Ryan proposed. So it's the platform above the fountain in that wide space between the two buildings. It's an iconic location that has been in several fashion magazines, music videos, and films over the years.
I took this photo from the Trocadero, but this was twinkling several hours before he proposed earlier in the evening. We came back later at midnight after dinner.
Engagement
The trip was amazing and of course, the other travel related gem was Ryan's proposal. I wasn't sure if he would ask me there, though I had assumed it was coming at some point in 2014. There was a summer event with my family that I had assumed it would be on, but I wasn't sure. When he didn't propose in London, a city he was excited to show me as he spent his grad semester abroad there, and he didn't propose the first, second, or third time we were at the Eiffel Tower and gardens in Paris, I figured I was right--that he would ask sometime later when we were with my family. I relaxed and stopped thinking about it and of course he asked just before we left after a very magical day. I can't even begin to describe it. It didn't feel real. It still doesn't. When I talk about it, it doesn't sound real. In a way, even with the insane setting, it was very simple. His words were simple. The timing was very 'in the moment' as they say; there was no elaborate scheme or schedule. It seemed like breathing. I'll cherish that story forever...and it was so sweet and fun to call home and tell our bursting parents and siblings the news. (little did I know that #engagementwatch2014 had become a hashtag).
I like being engaged. I love being engaged actually. It's the planning and the wedding parts that have been challenging. I detest the industry. I detest the process and the cost and it's all just ridiculous. It's also challenging for other reasons and I have taken my time working with Ryan and planning what is right for us and not other people. I'm happy to have friends and family who support that process.
Smart Success
Ryan and I invested in a course that I am not even really sure how to explain. It is designed for entrepreneurs, something we are both working toward I guess in our own ways. It's about life and relationships and goal planning and about mapping out what you want your life to look like. I honestly can say it has changed us a lot for the better. We are working toward specific goals, individually and together, for our careers. We have both become way more organized in our approach to everything and it really united us--we each have different career goals but it somehow got us on the same page. So that's been crazy and awesome and lots of hard work, but we are learning a lot. I've met some amazing people through this and we are excited to continue that in 2015.
For 2015, the theme I am sensing is vulnerability....
I truly feel this is at the core of 2015 in a number of ways. The wedding will definitely require this of me. Again, the writing projects that came out of Smart Success are not the ones I went in with. I'm still working on those, too, but much more personal stuff has been pouring out and I am seeing there is a need. My Smart Success coach has been working with me on sharing some of these items with the group because I am so scared to go public with any of it. But it's all stuff that I am seeing and hearing a need for.
I'm hoping to continue my personal development with the Part Deux of this program but we will see. It's a pretty full year as it is, but I do not want to lose momentum.
There will be another move as Ryan and I combine households.
I know there will be travel because of our honeymoon and though we aren't sure where yet, I am very excited about the prospects.
I know there will be lots of writing.
It's time to end some negative habits and stop cutting myself such slack.
I know there will be some unexpected opportunities as well, though I'm not sure what.
I'm looking forward to it.
