Sharks and Vomit

So I've had a bout with the flu the last week. It's been fun. And I think it's funny that even while lying on my bathroom floor, I'm thinking of ways to conceptualize and discuss what I've learned this week and I'm thinking in 'the written word.' (You know you're a writer when....) 

I have an intense fear of throwing up. I admit it. It's worse than my fear of heights. It's worse than my fear of snakes. (that says something). And here's what's funny. I will go to the ends of the earth to NOT throw up. If that means being sick for hours and hours and hours, so be it. The concept of making myself throw up to me is comparable to suicide. It's so bad that if you ever have the privilege of holding my hair back, you'll witness an actual panic attack and my muffled mouthfuls of screams that 'it won't stop. it won't stop.'

Why is this? And why am I writing about it? 

I think this whole concept is fascinating. I realized last night on the bathroom floor it's because I'm a control freak and throwing up is a completely uncontrollable bodily experience. But there comes a time when I'm sick and I'm sure you can relate. No matter what flu symptoms you have--a bad headache, fever and chills, vomit, diarrhea, you name it--there comes a time when you just want whatever it is to end. At first it's all soda and movies and a day off of work. But there comes a time when it breaks you and you just want whatever it is to stop--the headache to go away, the chills to stop undulating through your body, the vomit/diarrhea to just get the job done, get out of your stomach and go away. And it's times like that when I lie on the bathroom floor and think...let's just get this over with. 

This attitude immediately reminded me of a scene in one of my favorite films, Jaws. If you haven't seen it, shame on you. It's a cheesy must see classic that warrants at least a handful of viewings over the course of your lifetime. The Chief goes from being afraid of the shark and water to actually going after it, looking it straight in the eye and daring it to come at him. It needs to get destroyed--just like the headaches, fever, chills, and vomit need to stop. 

This reminded me of a few different things--sin, negative thoughts and actions, hateful resentment, the victim mentality, etc. How long do we let those sit in us and rot (forgive my straight forward metaphor but much like how one's stomach feels while waiting to erupt from either end). That's what I was thinking of last night when I was sick. It was enlightenment. It was brilliance. It was hope in the middle of feeling like I was rotting from the inside out. I thought, how often am I actually feeling like this and not paying attention to it? 

My point. Get it out. Whatever it is. I need to let myself NOT FEEL SICK by letting it out. Get it out of my system so I and those around me can begin feeling better. Same thing with issues in my life that I'm letting rot and smell inside my head, right? Right. 

Where are you at? I know I'm not the only person in the world dealing with (avoiding a much more apt term here) STUFF like this. You may not write about it on the internet like I do for all to see, but hey, it takes all kinds. So think about it. What stuff needs to get dealt with? I know I have a bit. Sure it depends on the day, but there are some big issues I let rot inside my head and I'm done. I feel like it's only ok to say things like this when you're talking about babies and their sick little tummies and taboo or crass to mention it in reference to sick adults.  It's time to throw up. It's time to poop. It's time to get it all out.  It's time to let the flu do it's thing and stop fighting it. 

There's my two cents of oddly shaped zen for the day.