2013

Hello Dear Dedicated Readers,



I just wrote a pretty detailed Facebook status, and thought I would take a moment to start the new year off right--by writing--and expounding a little on the status.

I officially launched my career with a company that I'm thrilled to work for. I was promoted twice.  I have amazing colleagues and I truly believe our company helps make the world a better place. It's also what I went to school for and for that I'm blessed. I wake up excited to go to work and that's awesome. 

The debt free thing was just awesome and I'm so excited. And I made the decision to celebrate the little things much more frequently and I've gotten really good at doing that--for me and for other people. And it's so awesome and I don't know how I never did it before. 

I really do have a team of people working with me now on health issues. It's been really humbling, actually, and it definitely takes dedication to work on these types of things. It brought some unexpected issues from years ago, actually, which was good and also more depressing at the same time. And I had to say, "I'm a victim" for the first time. 

The part about owning my story goes hand in hand with the part about now having some loved ones here. For the last couple of years, I have been getting over my divorce, sure. But it all still felt like a black mark on my record, something I wasn't proud of, something I didn't talk about. And, sure, you don't have to go around announcing your life story to everyone. But you also shouldn't be as focused on hiding it as I was. 

And I was really focused on hiding it, folks. 

I had come into a new community of friends here and had known them for quite awhile and was specifically leaving out this huge part of who I was. Again, nothing wrong with that per se, but I was hiding it because I was ashamed and scared. 

I won't go into details, but needless to say, it all came out in dramatic fashion (as per the usual in my life, right?) and that launched me into this phase of ownership and then acceptance. It was kind of painful and then kind of magical. And I really started to take that experience as PART of who I am now. I refer to it now as the catalyst to this amazing journey I've been on. It's no longer this chunk that I like to skip over. 

In fact, there was kind of a shocking moment last week as I drove to Idaho to be with my family for Christmas. Me driving alone for hours is of course going to lead to some deep revelation about something. And it hit me that I was actually thankful for what happened. So instead of analyzing and over analyzing what happened, how I could have avoided it in the past, how I can avoid it in the future, analyzing some more trying desperately to figure out where I went wrong blah blah blah, for the first time, I thought...I'm actually thankful it all happened the way it did because I truly would not be me without it. And that all sounds obvious and like hashtag duh, but seriously, it wasn't like that till last week. That's huge. 

With that acceptance came this sort of casual, yet powerful, new attitude of this is who I am. Take it or leave it. And a non-rebellious, thanks for your opinion, but good or bad, it really doesn't matter to me. I say that gently now, not with my tongue stuck out and my face scrunched up. 

And oh my gosh I WROTE A NEW STORY. I literally got a brand new idea for a fictional plot and saw that go from a generic concept to an actual story--and there was lots of work and blood, sweat and tears. But it literally happened. And opportunities for it to actually get out there and go somewhere fell in my lap out of nowhere. I showed up and wrote, which in my opinion, is all I'm called to do. And the rest has been completely out of my hands and floating into the world on happy thoughts. 

I'm not ending the year out what I would consider is the 'right foot.' I've been really sick with almost pneumonia, strep throat, cold/flu and bronchitis for almost two weeks. I haven't been this sick in years! Missing work, my normal schedule, and the gym! But I think the lesson here is that it's ok to rely on others when I need help...taking that little lesson into the new year as well. 

A couple recent magical moments...I had this amazing dream that showed me some incredible truths that I know I've been needing to learn. It gave me a visual cue unlike any other and I'm so so so happy about it. Also, in the moments before the new year, I remembered how to dance again. How magical!

I am so so excited to see what opportunities come next year. They are already happening. I have writing project and travel plans up the air right now, and I don't know what will come. There's a lot of unknown and I'm thrilled. 

I'm taking the words of Idina Mendzel's 'Let it Go' with me into the new year: 

Let it go, let it go

And I'll rise like the break of dawn

Let it go, let it go

That perfect girl is gone

Here is stand in the light of day...

Let it go, let it go

Can't hold it back anymore.

It's funny how some distance makes everything small

And the fears that once controlled me can't get to me at all

It's time to see what I can do...

I'm free...

(Yes, that's from Disney's Frozen, in case you were wondering). 

Tomorrow, as always, is a day spent on goal planning for the new year--big and little, professional and personal-everything. It's also dedicated to an analysis of last year's goals, and plans for any leftovers in the new year.  It's tradition. (Tradition....tradition!!!)

But the word for 2014 is MAGIC--the kind you make and the kind that happens to you. Three cheers to the new year!