Dear FB Friends~
I'm taking yet another step in procrastinating a paper that is due next week. (I'm starting to amaze myself actually. I didn't know I could procrastinate like this. Typically, I'm a finish weeks-in-advance type of girl. And I've had stuff done weeks in advance, but I've left the little things for the last minute and oh how insane those little things are. And it's crunch time. And look at me writing a note to you guys instead of writing. Oh well).
I just felt the need to tell you all one thing. I've shared a lot this year about my journey of healing. To some of you, that may have seemed very self centered. Well, you're right. But why do we go through the things we go through? What's the point of pain, of anger, of hatred, of introspection? Well, I don't care what kind of faith you have (or whether or not you have one at all), but the point should be to get to the other side in order to love others more unconditionally, as I believe, we are loved. Whether you believe that or not, you would probably agree that living life unselfishly, or at least less selfishly (and I'm talking about basic caring about/loving others attitudes) is better than living life in a self-bubble, or a let-me-shove-my-philosophy-down-your-throat-cuz-that's-how-I-"care"-about-others bubble. Right?
Right.
That was katie-gibberish for 'don't go through life only concerned about you. There's so many lives you could make a difference in if you just take a little time to focus on the needs of others in addition to your own sometimes.'
So I'm thinking to myself randomly today and boom I think...why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the other side, yada, yada, yada. And a host of other "funny" responses. So random, right? (Random, but super zen). Then I thought. Ok, well let's think about this from my perspective, maybe a little easier to understand here. Why have I chosen (why am I choosing) to not sit and wallow in self pity and hatred? (oh there have been days, but generally speaking)? Why did I cross the road? Why am I crossing the road? Why should I continue to cross the road?
TO GET TO THE OTHER SIDE--SAME AS THE CHICKEN!!!!!
("light bulb")
For those of you that have seen Runaway Bride (and if you haven't, don't talk to me), you know the scene in which Bob is trying to get her successfully down the aisle by using sports psychology on her? "Be the ball...nothin' but net..." etc? Anyway...long story short...I'M THE CHICKEN!
Am I making sense yet?
Trust me, this was a very big moment today. Why does the chicken cross the road? To get to the other side. Why do I cross the road? To get to the other side???? Why??? Why do I have to cross the road at all? Why does the chicken for that matter? Whys is the joke about the chicken crossing the road and not plopping down to sun itself on the side of the road it's already on????
BECAUSE NOTHING EXCITING EVER HAPPENS TO THE ONES SITTING ON THE ROAD SUNNING THEMSELVES OR STAYING OVER THERE FOR ANY OTHER REASON! HISTORY DOESN'T GET WRITTEN ABOUT THOSE BIRDS! THEY DON'T DRAW ATTENTION OR MAKE A DIFFERENCE!
SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF CROSSING THE ROAD? NOBODY EVER TALKS ABOUT THIS! IT'S JUST THIS FUNNY, LAME JOKE EVERYBODY LAUGHS AT BUT NOBODY EVER OVERTHINKS/OVER ANALYZES OR QUESTIONS IT!
No, I say! That's what the crazy people are here for! So true to form, I OVER THINK IT AND HAVE AN EPIPHANY! (for all you naysayers who always criticize my thinking too much. Bam. Sometimes it pays off).
Why did it need to get to the other side? Why, why, why? I've been asking this since I was like 2.
Well, I say it did because it wanted and needed to love other chickens more efficiently, more unconditionally, more compassionately. Bam. Sure, lots of other reasons have been speculated about over the years, and some of other reasons may exist, but for me, in my head, and for the purposes of this FB note, that's why I say the chicken needed to cross the road.
(Also, please note, that it chose to cross the road. Did it need some help at times? Maybe. Probably, depending on the chicken's journey...ya know...where it had been and what its mentality was during the steps. But it CHOSE to cross the road. It CHOSE. It needed help. But IT CHOSE. (read: it wasn't dragged across by some deity or other).
I digress here. The whole point of sharing my anger and my tears and my hurt this year is 1) to encourage you. Some of you are also going through hard times but are not as vocal about it. So the insane thoughts--they aren't insane. And you'll make it through if you choose to move past whatever is going on. 2) to inspire compassion and perspective in you.
That's right. You heard me.I'm trying to inspire compassion, or greater depths of compassion in you along with fresh perspectives about people.
I freaking dare you.
I dare you to be more compassionate and more empathetic and to change your perspective about...people.
It will take time and a conscious choice because it's a process.
But during this year, I've learned something else about myself and it is now sinking in. It was the point. It is THEE point.
When I ordered coffee today from a barista at a new coffeeshop (sidenote: I feel like I've been dating coffeeshops since I got here in order to find one at which I can study properly. The decor, the layout, the furniture, even the table height have to be a certain way in order for me to study and get work done. Don't judge me. Today, I think I found a coffeeshop I can marry, if ya know what I'm saying. Or at least, begin a successful longterm relationship with). I found myself looking at her differently. In fact, I've been looking at a number of people this way, but I didn't know what that feeling was until today when I noticed it.
I found myself wondering where she's been in her life, where she's going for that matter (yeah--a lot of layers there, let me tell ya). And I found myself wondering if her shyness and even curt responses to me were a result of personality, or a rough day, or perhaps a relationship of some kind gone bad. How she was raised, what she is going through, I don't know. But I do know that thinking about that and wondering about it about random humans I pass on the street IS BECOMING HABIT FOR ME. I don't know about you, but I am happy to add this newfound habit to my resume. I am learing to care about people, without having to consciously think about it. For all of you zen masters out there, or you super Christians, or lifelong Budhists, maybe this is commonplace for you.
But for me, it is not. I think about people. I think about everything. But it isn't constantly. It isn't wanting to put their needs above my own. Today, I didn't care if she was polite. She didn't have to be. Perhaps, instead of demanding amazing customer service (how dare she not smile when she makes my drink?), I see what I can give to her day. I don't know about you, but I LOVE getting into conversations with random people I don't know. It makes my day. I can talk to pretty much everybody, and in the past, it's been because I wanted to. I thought it was interesting. I thought it was cool. I like to learn. I learn a lot from people.
But today, I realized I can continue to do this, but not for me--for them.
I feel like a different light bulb has been turned on. I've always been passionate about people and interacting with humanity in any capacity. I've always been skilled at interacting with people. I make connections quickly. It's something I realized I could do a long time ago, and I've been perfecting that skill for years. I am sensitive so I pick up on things. I felt like today all of that clicked into place like a million puzzle pieces at once. All of that, those natural personality traits COMBINED WITH my positive and negative experiences, my pain and my hurt, my joys and triumphs--can be used to love others, to connect with others, to be compassionate to others, to reach others.
That's the whole point. I have a perspective now I've never had. I am learning to read people quickly and accurately because I can see fake expressions, trying to cover up pain, because I've used them myself. I can see honest elation and innocence in people and I can see shame. If I combine that perception with the way I can easily talk to people and pull them out of shells, I can love in a big way. That kind of love, all over the world, in little coffeeshops or grocery stores or street corners? That can make a big difference, people.
So I'm sharing yet another moment of clarity with you in order to encourage you to do the same. Use who you are, what you've gone through not only to become a stronger and better person (trial by fire, right?), but use it for other people. Love those in your life. And I mean really love.
Open your eyes, my dear FB friends. Open your eyes to the paths of others and begin to see where you can make a difference.
Open your eyes, I'm asking again. You'll be amazed at what you begin to see and feel and do...and the impact you'll make.
Open your eyes.
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